Saving money on laundry

The dear husband and I took a cross country road trip with five of the kids.  It was time for them to meet most of their family and this was the best way we could see it working.

While in Kentucky hanging with my Campbell's, my aunt Doris showed me that she makes her own laundry detergent.  Hmmm, I  thought...7 of us, 14-18 loads of laundry a week.  Couldn't hurt, right?

This month's laundry detergent budget went to the items on the list.  It cost me $12.93 to make 5 gallons of laundry detergent.  Each load takes a little less than 2/3s a cup in my high capacity front loading washer (about 100 loads).  I have used it for three loads so far.  It works great!  Its a little work, but worth the effort. 

The $12.93 covers 2-4 batches.  The cool part is you can monitor what you are putting into your detergent.  I assume you can use essential oils to scent it if you desire.  If I had chosen to go unscented, it would have been less than $10 for 4 batches (2400 ounces, 400 loads).

Here's the recipe.

5 cups water (to start)
1 bar of Naptha or Octogon or Ivory bar soap ($1.00 for one)
1-1/2 cup washing soda, Arm & Hammer or other brand ($3.59 for 55 oz)
1-1/2 cup of Borax ($4.85 for 76 oz)
2 cups of purchased liquid laundry detergent for scent, if desired ($2.99 for 32 oz, I chose)

Grate bar soap and add it to 5 cups of water.  Heat until soap is thoroughly melted.  Pour this mixture into a 5 gallon bucket and add remaining ingredients.  Stir well.  Add hot tap water to fill bucket.  You can leave in bucked and stir before each use or fill plastic jugs 3/4 full and shake before each use.  Use 3/4 cup (or less) for a standard load.  This laundry soap works best in warm water (I didn't see a differences).

Thanks Aunt Doris.  This sure will help.

Some of the perils of fostering children - other adults in their lives

Child Protective Services are 100% in charge of when and where visits take place with family members.  In Miriam and Bryan’s case, their mother was incarcerated in a town 100 miles from our house.  There were friends of the family that were allowed visits and telephone calls.  Since the kids had been in one of the friend’s home previously as a foster parent, we were not concerned about visits.

Soon after the children had settled into a routine, the previous foster mother, I will call Elaine, wanted us to visit her family at their home.  Their home was about 60 miles away, but for the sake of the kids, we went ahead and planned the trip.  The children were placed in this woman’s home because Bryan had ingested some kind of amphetamine in his mother’s home.

We drove across the county to her home.  There was big bar-be-que party being held.  She had some of the children’s belongings and wanted to make sure we left with the items.

Just a few weeks before we met her and her daughter at a festival in Phoenix, but she consistently called our home and my cell phone.  I had hoped the visit to her home would establish a boundary.  Unfortunately when we arrived Elaine informed me that the biological mother would be calling from the jail.  I informed her that CPS had not authorized contact between the children and their mother.  She insisted and I resisted.  The phone rang, and sure enough, it was the bio mom.  I was shocked when Elaine put the phone in my face and said that Corrine (not her name of course) needed to speak to me.  So insulted and astonished I informed Elaine I was not comfortable speaking to her.  Elaine returned to the other room where we heard her plead with Corrine to not be mad at her.  That established a strained and unusual relationship between Elaine and me.

Later we endured more calls.  One call from Elaine insisted that we take a call from another friend of the family, Amanda (you get it now, I’m not using real names).  Miriam took a couple calls from her when she announced she really didn’t want to speak to her anymore.  When we asked why, she simply stated that “Amanda makes me feel sad”.  After a few days of avoiding Amanda’s calls, she caught me at work on my cell phone.  She had some stern words about what role I played as a foster mother.  She insisted that I made Miriam call me mom (I had not) and that Bryan probably calls me mom too (he didn’t, he called me what he called everything – doggie).  I gave her the whole psychology of a kid in care, yadda yadda.  She became angry and I told her I was ending the conversation.  I informed CPS of her actions and requested that we be able to end the calls.

A few days later, Amanda began the calls again.  This time we were called 30 times in 4 days.  I was sick in bed with a nasty sinus infection when the calls came in.  Finally James picked up the phone.  After 20 minutes of conversation he ascertained that she was an unlicensed attorney, she thought drug smuggling was as light a crime as speeding and she was going to put an end to all of this nonsense.  Worse thing we found out, she thought licensed foster homes were no better than baby sitters.  James asked her to no longer call us.

I spoke with Elaine after that conversation with Corrine and she denied knowing Corrine.  We decided she was a bit off and wanted to monitor her communications with Miriam.  We found out that she had an unusual connection to the children they did not have to her.  She said things to Miriam that made her very sad and refused to change her approach to the kids.  She even went as far as to invite herself to the first visit the children received permission for in 5 months.

One day she came to our home uninvited (remember how far away she lived?) when she knew James and I were not home and the kids were with a sitter.

We put an end to her visits and she requested the children be moved back to her home.  She was denied because she was an unlicensed foster home, she was acting strange and she had always given bio mom too many privileges.

Later, when the children were being made available for adoption, she interfered with family; she contacted Miriam via email and with Amanda, called our home.  We were faced with a obtaining a protection order.

Elaine wasn’t the only strange foster family we came up against, but continues to be the most surprising.  Amanda is the most bold.  She still tries to contact Miriam on line.  She really thinks that Miriam has an interest in her.  She doesn’t.  Miriam doesn’t even have an interest in her bio mom.  The person that is really orchestrating all these unstable peoples involvement in the children’s lives.

The most fortunate part is that I have the ability to see any emails or facebook requests and have the authority to deny.  I speak with Miriam about it candidly.  It amazes me that adults cannot make the connection that this behavior is unacceptable.  It is even more amazing that a little girl does.

Dialing back a few years...

Dialing back a little, here is where we come from.

James and I met in 1993.  Our friend Gina introduced to us.  My child, Ian was 5 when James and I first met.  He was 6 when James and I began seeing each other.  He was 7 when he moved in with James and me in Arizona.

Ian was born in 1987.  His father and I separated and eventually divorced in 1988.  I stayed primarily in California until Ian was 6.  I needed to leave for financial and emotional reasons in 1993.  Shortly after I returned back to Arizona, the Northridge quake hit and shook James into Arizona.  That summer, Ian moved to Arizona with me and began attending Park Meadows Elementary School in 2^nd grade.

Ian was my little man.  The worked revolved around his needs.  I was fortunate to land a wonderful job at PCS Health Systems and provide a great home for Ian.  James was working his way through the IT world.  We were both attending college.

Ian lived with us until he was 10.  He decided dad’s place was better.  It wasn’t.  Then he returned until he was 16-1/2.  Then back to dad’s.  That’s an entirely different blog.

My father, Ian’s grandfather passed away in January 1999.  I believe this was the beginning of the fracture in our relationship.  He was so grief stricken.  I was too.  I tried to take the pain away, but was unable to find tools to do this for him.  Within 4 years, he moved back with his dad.  Soon, his grandmother (my mother) passed away in December 2004.  The relationship did not improve.

I’ve been a mom for 25 years now.  I do not have it down pat.  I just have a lot of experience.

Ian is my oldest and honestly a test case for me.  He is still my joy and I love him so dearly.  He will always be my baby boy, even if he’s a daddy himself now.

Superman - hero and adopted kid

Superman, hero, savor of the free world, alien and adopted kid.  Wow what a story.  The new little family sat around the television, specifically Smallville.  Miriam became very attached to the story.  I watched through the eyes of this new little soul.  There she was, watching young Superman struggle with his identity.  He struggled with this dedication to the occupants of Earth with a curiosity about his roots.  Ultimately, his upbringing, the people he called mom and dad, shaped his humanity and he dedicated himself to those he was bonded to.

I watched the face her admiration for the character and her bond with his story.  Wow, is Superman a metaphor for kids in care?  He has all the markers.  Even when you feel you are all-American, are you really an alien?  Even though you can save the free world, are you the one that needs saving?

And who were the Kents?  Did Mr. Kent feel threatened by Superman’s biological father?  He didn’t trust him; should he?  And what about Mrs. Kent?  This Mrs. Kent started to see the story just a little differently.

Easter Sunday 2007

Easter is always the symbol of everlasting or a renewal of life.  It is a time for me to assess my life and decide what I need to do to make this world a better place.  It has always been rare that I was a true beneficiary of good luck but the recipient of tidings for hard work.

In 2006-07, James and I had gone through religious education at the local Catholic Church.  I was thrilled to return to my roots and felt the classes prepared me for what I wanted to do.  I had not received my confirmation as a youth and was excited to have that sacrament.  I also looked forward to a covenant marriage with James.

Miriam and Bryan came to our home on April 3.  On April 7, we had completed our Sacraments with our closest friends and new children in audience.  Our very best friends stood in as our Godparents.

On April 8, we celebrated our very first Easter with Miriam and Bryan.  Our friends spent Saturday night with us and the next morning, the children embarked on an Easter egg/basket hunt.

I look back on the photos.  Miriam and Bryan were so little and snuggley.  I remember the Cabbage Patch doll the Easter Bunny left for Miriam.  She really connected with the doll and what it meant to have someone care for you, even though you were brought together under unusual circumstances.

Just as Miriam and Bryan joined our home, we joined God in the covenant of Marriage.

The week Miriam and Bryan joined our home, James and I confirmed our faith in the Catholic Church.

We also received the Sacrament of Marriage.

With only the clothes on their back

We hear that kids come with only the clothes on their back.  This is true.  CPS tries to give babies blankets made by the gentle hands of the Linus foundation and a binkie.  But little else grace the frames of these children.

Miriam showed up in her school uniform.  No she didn't attend private school.  She was in a school that required a uniform.  She had a cute little navy blue skirt, white cotton shirt and mary jane shoes.  Her clean, freckled cheeks were framed by beautiful gold hoop earrings and she wore a gold bracelet.  Brian had a medallion of Our Lady.  He wore a cute one piece outfit and sturdy shoes.

That was it!  So off to Wall Mart the new little family rode.  We needed sneakers and jeans for Miriam.  We needed shorts and tees for Bryan.  Oh and diapers.  Lots of diapers.

By the time we had dinner and arrived at Wall Mart it was quite later than we wanted.  We went directly to the shoe department.  Miriam picked out a pair of Bratz shoes.  They were not her size.  I explained to her that the shoes were too large and she would have sore feet by wearing them.  She was unhappy and was very verbal about it.  At that point she decided to start a game of running off in the store.  Dear husband ran after her.  I stayed back with the little boy.  I figured as soon as she got herself lost, we'd tell Wal Mart what happened and the doors would close.  She would have to explain why she ran off.  Soon she was convinced that the Bratz shoes would not be purchased and she was wasting time that she could be shopping for jeans.

After dropping a couple hundred dollars at Wall Mart, we headed home.


I remember as I tucked in the two newest angels how they both looked as the day waned.  I remember the smooth cheeks that I kissed.  I whispered to Miriam, “Anything you want or need, please come get me no matter how late it is”.  She smiled brightly and whispered goodnight.  She was so sweet, so alone in this big, big world.  I actually felt like I had a purpose.

The arrival of Miriam and Bryan

The call came in. After months of anticipation that a child would be placed in our home, after several false alarms and after a respite placement, the call came in. 

Two siblings. Female, Hispanic, 7 years old; Male, Hispanic, 1 year. 

"Bring them on. I'll meet you there." I replied to the placement case manager. I rushed home from work and busied myself with straightening out the house. 

"They will arrive around 3", I informed the husband. Three o'clock came and went. 4 o'clock came and went. What takes so long? 5 o'clock came and went. I was nearly a basket case. The door bell rang and the reply from the dogs nearly knocked me over. They had arrived. I opened the door. 

The case manager stood at the door. Her corn-rowed hair was professionally woven. Her practical TJ Maxx suit and fancy shoes were immaculate. She urged the children to come forward. 

There was a beautiful, freckled lassie carrying her baby brother, almost as long as she was. We invited everyone in and I spoke to the little girl. Both she and her brother kneeled on our couch, peering over the back. After some formalities the case manager left. 

We were left with two little strangers in our home.

April 3, 2007 CPS arrives with two beautiful children. Seven year old Miriam and 15 month old Bryan.